Welcome to the newest weekly series. I’m hoping this will hold me accountable. I’m talking about weight loss, which I’ve come to realize is an internal journey.
This is something I’ve seen with my own eyes with my mom . My mom has struggled with her weight for years and her determination is an inspiration. When her doctor told her that she was pre-diabetic, my mom made a decision to get the weight extra weight off. And through the help of Weight Watchers, she did it. She lost about 70 lbs. (Insert handclapping, high fiving here!)
After dropping that much weight, her blood pressure went down, and, most important of all, she is no longer pre-diabetic. That doesn’t mean her journey has ended, however. She is still working on dropping about 40 more pounds, and she’s joining me on the journey. However, I’m the only one who’s going to share the actual numbers on the scale with you. (EEK!)
TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM
I’ve been to a nutritionist, who taught me that (1) I’m an emotional eater, and (2) I eat when I’m bored. While this was a helpful lesson, I did not experience success with the nutritionist. I am still trying to figure out why.
I have a really messed up version of what thin is. Sadly, I think it is because I was in dance when I was growing up. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great activity; you learn poise, patience, and coordination skills. But thin is idealized. Looking back at pictures of me dancing, I realize now, I was never chunky. I thought I was Gigantor compared to the other girls. But these were girls who had yet to hit puberty, girls blessed with metabolisms that allowed them to eat Doritos, pizza and fried mozzarella sticks, and girls who never even thought about weight. It was a horrible comparison.
Now that I realize I shouldn’t have been comparing myself to those girls when I was younger, you would think I would have my problems figured out. But I don’t. I still compare myself. Seems I can’t shake those feelings I had when I was younger. They run deeper than I think. Or perhaps it’s something else – something about my current life. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.
Although I don’t have it figured out, the thing that made me finally sit up and take notice that I was starting to get heavy even for me was this picture.
The reason it is so traumatic for me is because I was feeling thin that day. This picture made me realize I was feeling bloated all the time, my asthma was up more than usual, and my clothes felt too tight. I hadn’t been on a scale in months. So, I forced myself to go to the wellness center at my office and stepped on that scale,.
I’m 4’11 3/4. According to this chart, from Rush University Medical Center, the normal weight for someone my height ranges from 97 to 127 lbs. Ladies, I am nowhere near this. I am currently 163.8 lbs. Looking at me, you wouldn’t think I was that heavy because I’ve become skilled in choosing clothing that hides.
My hope is to get down to about 130 lbs. The question is how I plan to do this. I’ve been on practically every diet since I graduated from high school, and certain diets seem to work for a bit of time, but then I plateau. For example, I tried a nutritionist, Weight Watchers, the South Beach Diet, and now I’m on Nutrisystem.
For my plan, for the next six months, I am going to try to stick to Nutrisystem. The great thing about Nutri is that it’s portion controlled. I need this. Doing Nutri has made me realize that I need to decrease my portion sizes because the Nutri portion sizes are very small. And I’m very small, so I guess that makes sense.
Also, one thing I’m learning with this is that I need to add more vegetables to my diet. This is difficult for me. You might say I don’t like vegetables, but I’m going to say this more positively: I have not yet learned to appreciate their value and taste.
When I asked my mom what’s been helping her on her journey, she said she always remembers this: “When you fall off the wagon, pick yourself up and start again.” I’d just like to add one more thing to that — try not to beat yourself up about it either.
Until next week,
Jean Size: 8 US
Shirt Size: Medium
Bra Size: 34D US